It’s been a long day. I need a shower. I’m exhausted and cranky with my children. I don’t have much brain power, but I’ve committed to writing here. So here I am. And I am here because I have said for years that I am a writer. Years, I’ve said it. For many of them I actually wrote daily. But it’s been months since I’ve written regularly, and I’ve felt the drought. A big part of my recent employment drama had to do with that, I think.
In my last job, I had nothing to give to the page at the end of the day, no energy, no spirit, no love. I was really concerned about that because I wanted to start my Masters in Fine Arts next fall, and couldn’t imagine working on it while I had that job. I began to pray a most potent prayer (the Tablet of Ahmad, for those who are familiar), chanting it in the morning. The third day I did that, my boss invited me into her office that afternoon and “released me from my employment during my probationary period.” There had been very little warning, just some counseling to improve the accuracy of the 5% of my work that I did for her. The rest of my 30 or so colleagues went ballistic because I had become a valuable member of the team. Why it actually happened is fodder for the gossip mills of some other life.
After I left her office, I went into the bathroom, looked up to the heavens and said, “Really? This is how You answer me?”
I was stunned. Confused. Later I was angry, and depressed. And less than a week later, my friend asked me (after I told him I had lost my job), “Do you teach?”
It fell into my lap, this job. Fell from where but the heavens? And now I sit and write at nearly 10pm, when I have to leave the house before 7am tomorrow with a lesson plan in my hand. I really need a shower, but I am writing because finally I have a life that demands that I write about it. I want to say that I had a pretty good day in the classroom today. I’m teaching my students about fractions and about blogging. And they are going to blog about learning fractions in the disguise of writing about their experience in a “Spend a $1 Million” exercise which had them converting dollars to decimals to percent and to fractions. I cannot tell you how amazing it was to see these 5th graders so engaged in learning, so excited about it. And I cannot NOT write. David Truss, if you’re out there listening, I want to know that I’m teaching math. I want you to know I’m writing about it. And to all of you who have ever encouraged me, either in my writing or my teaching, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Because I love it.
I’m going to go take a shower now. Good night!