Last week I spent my writing energy on preparing my portfolio for an application to the Master of Fine Arts Creative Writing Program at the University of New Mexico. I had been shaken by my reawakened love for teaching. After years of setting my sights on the writing life, I was distracted by the thought (again) that I need to be “practical.” Practicality is a good thing. How had I come back to the idea that pursuing my vision passion and were not practical?
I had gone through many iterations of the argument: I love being in the classroom, and feeling like I could just as well work on a Master’s Degree in Education. That will undoubtedly require some writing! Teaching 5th grade pays more than a teaching assistantship. Besides, if I need an MFA I can do it later.
But I felt so sad thinking that “practical” way. It seemed sensible. But I kept having dreams that disturbed me. Romantic interests from my long lost past would appear, and I would give my life to return to them. Night after night: the one I let go so we could become the good friends we are today; the crush I had at 14, who I thankfully never had so I didn’t need to let go. I knew these dreams weren’t about romance. I knew there was a message from my subconscious: Don’t give up your love. When I connected it to my dream for an MFA everything fell into place. I can apply. I don’t know if I will be accepted. I don’t know if I’ll be offered an assistantship. And I haven’t even explored the option of continuing to teach 5th grade while I do my coursework. So I put the application in. I am not letting my love go.
And goodness knows I gaining a whole lot by learning from my students. I already have volumes to write about from our time together. I will share some of those experiences next time. In the meantime, I’ll just bask in the glow of the knowledge that I haven’t given up on my dream.