I fell off the face of the planet a few months ago. Not long after writing my last post, my husband and I made a radical, life-changing decision that left me reeling. We decided to leave China. Not only that, we decided that, because I was the more flexible of the two of us (read “unemployed”), I would return with our two children to live with my parents for half a year while he finishes his contract. The reasons were many and important. But most important was an educational opportunity for my son – a family school that is half-time public and half-time home-schooling, ideal for this kiddo and for us.
I climbed in bed for two days after making that decision. I stayed under the covers and wept. I would be leaving my home, my friends, my life, and worst of all, my husband, whose presence in my life has always been a blessing. It was tortuous packing, planning and then saying good-bye. But I did it, and I did it because we were looking forward, and sometimes to move forward we have to make difficult decisions.
So moving forward is my theme of late. I am trying to focus on what I want for myself and what we want for our family. When I started this blog, my intention was to live purposefully and to write about it here. In a way, that started the gears moving towards this decision. It lead to me to write about why I am not dead yet, which was about changing my life to live a more balanced and healthy life. That led to learning about forgiveness, which is apparently a life-long lesson, but I am learning! The soul-crushing grief that weighed me down for years has lifted. I had dammed up a reservoir of resentment and anger that I quietly ignored and denied, and that reservoir is drying up now that I know how to hook up the pump and let the feelings flow out safely, without destroying any of the villages down-stream. So now it’s time to lighten up the ol’ body. So I’ll be writing about that over the next couple of posts. Stay tuned if you’re interested in how that’s going. Also, share what you’re doing to live on purpose. This path is way too important to travel it alone.